Thursday, November 18, 2010

Oh man, those are some ugly pants

Let's talk about clothes for a minute.  Specifically, clothes for fat people, since that's what I wear.  It's hard enough for people my size to fit into our own jeans, which were bought specifically for fitting into, without having to worry about fitting in with trendy people.

Like any other fat (or curvy, real, or pleasantly plump, etc.) girl, I shop at Lane Bryant.  For the most part, I respect their take on how fatties can still be cute.  But every now and then, they come up with something like this.  If you follow that link, you will see plus-size cargo leggings.  Yes, cargo leggings.  Let's ignore for the moment that plus-sized people rarely have any business in leggings.  I own a pair or two myself under the strict assumption that they are at least 2/3 covered (tall boots and long shirt) any time they leave the house.  But why, why, would you want a cargo pocket on your leggings?  Maybe it's because they don't have real pockets?  Yes, that's right; they stitched on "faux pockets" at the top because, as everyone knows, pockets have no business on leggings.  They make you look bumpy and weird.  So they decided against putting a pocket at the top of the leggings which, no matter what size you are, should always be covered by a long shirt anyway, and moved it to the only part of the legging that has any business being seen.  And not only that, but if you look at the detail, they added some weird lines that go around the circumference of the leg just above and below the knee to really draw your attention to how icky that area looks with a pocket attached.  They don't even look good on the model, and that's the place you know they will look at least ten times better than they do on you!

Way to do it wrong, Lane Bryant.  Or should I say Lame Bryant?  (Zing!)

I should give them credit, though.  At least they try to give us nice garments, unlike so many other stores that sell things like this and this once you move out of the smaller sizes.  And they put forth the effort to show their leggings, even the hideous ones, on nice-looking models with fancy shoes, as opposed to their sister store, Fashion Bug.  But even so, it's going to take a while before I can forgive them for cargo leggings.  At least until the next sweater sale.


1 comment:

  1. Excellent post. I was cracking up at the tarp link. I think they should have stuck with the faux-cargo-pocket-jeggings at least.

    Also, it would appear from that womanwithin link that they cater specifically to curvy morman compound dwelling ladies.